Women in Sports Apparel


Let's get real and talk about the coaching industry. I believe if you're not educated, how can you make an informed decision. The coaching industry including the psychology world has taken some interesting turns throughout its existence. Both worlds are overly saturated, with various degrees and specialties.


Some would say that the coaching world has taken a terrible turn. I think with any world, it's just about being informed. Coaching has been an incredible tool that has helped some of the most amazing public figures including Oprah, Steve Jobs, Serena Williams, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Justin Bieber, Tom Cruise to the likes of LeBron James and Tom Brady excel into their success. That's quite a lineup. Included in this lineup are notable equestrians: Anne Kurinski, Mclain Ward, Jennifer Gates, and Adrienne Sternlicht.


Coaching is the behind-the-scenes secret, that few talk about. I see athletes who don't want to share that they're being coached, and or amazing coaches who hesitate to share their work because of the suspicious looks.

Coaching is controversial, only because there is not much transparency around it. Also, like many other markets, you have individuals who proclaim results with a specific specialty (e.g. sports, business, entrepreneur), but have never been or achieved results as an athlete or entrepreneur. Consequently, providing empty promises such as giving you results of record wins or taking your business to 50K by next week. Additionally, the other controversy regarding coaching is that many coaches don't obtain either formal education or real-life experience. How do we establish a credibility framework? Or do we?


As a consumer, as with all things before you purchase, your due diligence is necessary to identify your needs and finding the coach that will confidently help you achieve your goals. Not all coaching is created equal. And not all self-proclaimed coaches know what they're doing. And it lands on you to find a suitable match. I say this, being a consumer myself. I have sat on both sides and still do.


I have questioned even how I find my coaches/healers. Do I have a framework or do they just meet my “gut instinct” standards? Well, honestly it depends on the situation and what my needs are in that very moment. I will be honest and true, because I just argued that there is no transparency and there needs to be. I work currently with 4 different healers (that doesn’t count the ones I’ve worked with in the past), 2 business consultants/coaches in the past, and the numerous amounts of books, online trainings, and online courses I have taken. Not to mention the years I dedicated to my degrees. I think there is incredible value in working with experts who can help you navigate life. For each one I work with, I have chosen to work with them based on if their “expertise” matches my “needs” and “criteria.” Sometimes, I have wanted them to have a specific degree and other times a “specific” life experience.


Here are 8 questions I ask myself and would encourage you to consider before working with someone:

  1. First what am I struggling with and is this coach in this niche?

  2. Are they credible (Do your research!)?

  3. Does this person speak your language (Do you vibe with them)?

  4. Do they have something to offer you that makes you excited to work with them?

  5. Are you “available” to work with them? Do you have the time to fully immerse yourself to fully expand?

  6. Do they bring something “new” to my life and “expand” me to open myself to new ideas/experiences?

  7. Are your expectations and their expectations for your goals in alignment?

  8. And lastly, does your “gut” say “yes!?”

THE VALUE ON RETURN IS AMAZING These are questions for you to consider the next time you look for your coach. Everyone I have ever worked with has had credibility, whether that is in a form of a degree or having worked under mentors who have expanded their gifts. Ultimately, I don’t think you can “ever” lose working with someone. At the end of the day, I always believe we learn something new from each other and others. The human experience is incredibly valuable and choosing to work with someone is personal, no matter your reasons. Ultimately, even if the “coaching” world is crazy busy and you don’t always know who to work with, just breath. And then decide where your gut leads you. I have never regretted working with coaches and experts, because the growth has always been exponentially invaluable. Maybe not always in the moment, but it always pays for itself amazingly and the value returned is beyond that I could ever imagine.

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MY LIFE IS A NETFLIX SPECIAL This one is personal. I have not been present on social for a reason, because I have been healing. The unthinkable happened to me last week and it felt like the carpet was pulled from underneath me, it’s not even Netflix Special and more like an HBO MAX/Lifetime Special. Details can’t be revealed at the moment, but you may know that no one was physically hurt, however there are many dreams broken, wounded hearts, and questions unanswered. We were all left shocked and scared. And me, heartbroken. In seconds, dreams were gone and they weren’t just my dreams. That’s been the hardest part, to reconcile that what I believed yesterday would be my life today, is no longer. Mourning the dreams, mourning the losses has had me cry my eyes shut, screamed in agony/in disbelief, and left me asking “why.” The shock has been the hardest. It runs deep and is slowly resolving so I can see with greater clarity. It was a tragedy. An aggressive act that was directed towards me. A tragedy that I believe could have been prevented.

A tragedy that leaves me with a lesson: Your mental health should be your greatest priority. I beg you, listen to me. Take my words seriously. Take them to heart. THE BIOLOGY OF THE TRAUMA BRAIN A loss is uncomfortable, even life changing (which is what I am going through in this moment), but I must remind myself that with every door closing another opens. The next door for me hasn’t opened yet, but I understand that at this moment it’s a time for healing not for activation. Activation will come in due time. Every day I work to move forward from the impact of this trauma into creating my new future. Moving forward is hard for us humans, because we have to fight the conditioning of our biology: the stress response of fight, flight, or freeze and the cortisol in our brains. Our biology, the way we were made keeps us reliving our past by our thoughts alone. Do you understand that? Let me rephrase, the way you feel and live is a direct reflection of the way you think. And when we are so deep in pain, biology supersedes temporarily until slowly the biological response of fight, flight, or freeze deactivates. Because this biological response (survival mode) is strong, to move out of this response requires significant amounts of energy and awareness. When we are in survival mode, our brains are unable to be creative, to see opportunity, to expand, and to open our hearts. It's not until we hit the “bottom,” that expansion is able to activate and propel us into moving forward. This is the very moment we get out of our way and move forward into creating our future. Why that moment? Because it's in that very moment we feel so incredibly altered, and that feeling “altered” creates the opportunity for us to start exploring ourselves and look inward. At that moment, you agree to no longer agree to stay in the trauma experience. ONLY A MEMORY CAN KEEP THE TRAUMA ALIVE What keeps the trauma alive, is our memory. Nothing else. The memory reignites the experience because the thought alone tells your brain to dump the chemicals that are associated and support that thought. It’s hard to conceive this when you are going through it. Trust me. I just literally went through this. And when I was in shock, shook, and crying my eyes out It was very hard to de-activate that experience by thought alone. And that is because my biology took over and needed to release my bodies' trauma response. I hope this is making sense. It’s a fine balance. You must let your body do what it needs to do to survive and honor that you are quite more powerful than you ever could imagine in determining your destiny and experience of it. Trauma experiences in life are inevitable. I never wish them upon anyone. But there are ways to manage them and activate recovery. Honestly, I wish I had known this earlier in life because it would have saved me a lot of suffering and time. YOUR BRAIN IS A SUPERPOWER Your health, especially your brain’s health, is EVERYTHING. Absolutely, everything. Your life is a reflection of your brain, the way you think. And the way you think is what leads to opportunities or problems. And the way you think is what leads to loving relationships or breakups. And the way you think leads to how you cope with stress successfully or unsuccessfully. And the way you think leads to dreams coming true and a beautiful life. Your brain should be prioritized. Even and especially when things are going well. It is when things are going well that habits can be created and formed. Powerful habits that elevate you beyond merely living in survival mode and serve as the foundation when you are in a trauma inducing life moment. I learned this lesson several years ago, during another traumatic event. A divorce. And from then on, I have prioritized my mental health, working with healers consistently. I attribute my strength to them, because there have been days when I didn’t think I’d make it. Yes, me too. I have had those days too, we are all human. And being human means building your tribe of people who have your back. HOW TO CONTROL YOUR BRAIN AND NOT LET YOUR TRAUMA CONTROL YOU So here, you go: the tools I use to get healed and the tools I share with my clients. If my story isn’t enough to convince you, then see for yourself. It’s life experiences that teach. You won’t know what works for you until you try them. 5 KEY STEPS TO TAKING YOUR BRAIN POWER BACK 1. Just because you have a thought does not mean that thought is true

This idea alone reminds is so powerful. Not all thoughts are true. And when you remind yourself of that, you take the power back. People tend to let their thoughts control them, instead of learning how to control their thoughts. But, when you let your thoughts control you, you give your power away. You give your power away to an idea that doesn’t serve your highest good. When I remind myself of this, I feel empowered and can breath and ride the wave of that thought before I take any action. This especially helps when you are unsure or in doubt about what to do next. And then when you do act on a thought, you feel confident that it is the right thing to do.

2. It will take a lot of your strength to heal. Let me say it in another way too, just to ensure you hear it. It will take a ton of your energy to heal. It’s exhausting to heal. And that is why you need to sleep more and be kinder to yourself. We only have limited energy and willpower. And when you are in crisis, you are using excess energy. Thus, it is extremely important to conserve, so you are able to utilize the energy you have available to heal and find your strength.

3. It’s effort’ing to create a story that is of empowerment, because the story you tell yourself becomes your reality, becomes your life. Not cliched. It is true. Effort'ing means connecting with your tribe of healers who can support you and help you activate a new story, a reality that allows for your expansion. I will be the first to share that during this traumatic event, I have worked with my healer continuously and several others in addition to. Each one an expert in what they do. Each one helping me find my power. Each one helping me overcome this with greater ease and efficiency.

4. The intention behind the thought is more important than the thought itself. Because the intention is what activates energy necessary to propel you forward. Remember energy/intention is more powerful than words. You can tell yourself one thing and mean another. And it is the “another” that will hold more weight than the words themselves. In your intention you will also find your revival, your why, your desire to dance because you've survived.

5. Most importantly when your intention is born with conviction, that conviction is what will ultimately override the biology of the trauma. And when your biology starts changing, the brain starts producing new chemical reactions. And because there’s a new chemical reaction there’s the potential for a new experience. Conviction is powerful energy. My conviction came from my desire to take back my power, because I am not ok with this person taking what was not theirs. And sometimes you have to dig deep to access your conviction. When my HBOMax has a happy ending, I’ll share the story. I know it will have an ending, a good one. A truthful one.

If you have questions, you can also send me a DM or email. Don’t wait until something traumatic happens, when you are deep in pain to start changing your brain. Why wait then to change your life? Change it now. In this very moment.

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Every athlete, professional or amateur, shares the same problem: the desire for success and results. So, you ascribe to the motto, work hard play hard. Which feels completely overwhelming and honestly the motto does not clarify the skills that you might need to achieve success/results. But you do it because everyone else is doing it.

You've tried everything pop culture has hinted as the skills to overnight success. But, instead you get results that don't reflect your effort, which impacts your confidence. Leading to burn out and/or giving up, when you're on the brink of results, which leads to resentment, anger, and frustration. And it's not until too late that you realize all of this could've been avoided. Because there is another way. A way that is scientifically proven to provide fast and effective results. 

The thing is, you have to understand that there will always be challenges. Because challenges help us evolve our skill set. With every progression in our sport it is necessary to progress and expand, but we can't have expansion without challenge.  We need that discomfort in order to learn and finesse our skills. But the thing is, no one teaches you the mental skills necessary to help you overcome the challenges that are essential for you to excel.

Life is more mental than we ever give it credit. Statistics on happiness demonstrate this, with more Americans experiencing anxiety and depression at shockingly high numbers. Which is really an indication that they don't have the skill sets to support themselves when they need it the most, to overcome challenges and get results. Seriously, how optimistic are you? How happy are you?

Statistically, I already know the answer. It's not looking pretty.


Roughly only 14% of Americans consider themselves happy. WTH? That means most of you reading this don't consider yourself happy. That's honestly insanity to me.

Clearly, you are looking for happiness in all the wrong places. And when you're not happy, you're not living your best life which reflects into your performance. You're not showing yourself what you are made of. Not because you can't achieve things, but because you have some bad habits that you've picked up over the years that keep you small and unhappy.

But it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself. In all truth, don't waste your time blaming anyone. Instead, the thing you can do is start educating yourself. And the other thing you must realize, is that no one has taught you skills to hold a positive outlook. No one has taught you ways to be satisfied, content, and living in such a manner that makes you happy while achieving your dream results.

But let's get back to the most important question, your level of happiness/optimism/satisfaction. It's the most important question, because it's the crux to being talented.

The science behind the umbrella of “happiness” is powerful. It's not going to just be enough for me to tell you to be happy. There is actual science demonstrating that an important secret to our performance and functioning optimally in this world is our ability to control our happiness/optimism levels. It's a skill required to help us uplevel. Here are the 9 secrets! 

1. The Optimism Effect: Martin Seligman, Ph.D. spearheaded the world of psychology into researching happiness. In one of his studies, he screened 15,000 newly hired salespeople at MetLife using a test he developed to measure optimism over a three-year period. The salespeople who scored in the top 10% for optimism performed a whopping 88% better in sales than the reps in the top 10% for pessimism. This held true across other professions. The results highlighted that optimistic people perform an impressive 20 to 40% better than their pessimistic counterparts.  


2. Go Long: To make something meaningful although it's highly demanding requires you to make the sacrifices that go against short term happiness. When you make something so important that you sacrifice a certain amount of happiness for it, that is when you will see optimal results and extraordinary living because you're trading in short term happiness for opportunities in obtaining growth awakening, meaning, unique experiences, and results. 


3. Prioritize Your Dream, Not First Place: Having a dream, a vision, or aspiration is essential because it keeps you looking forward and into the future. But not all things are created equal. If you're just looking for money, or the blue ribbon, or the win, you will ultimately lose. Why? Because you've lost focus on the journey. Emphasize the journey and your growth, and you will get through all the challenges that are inevitable and come with pursuing goals. 


4. Turn Up “Your” Volume: The other big thing is that you must prioritize your voice over others. Everyone is going to have an opinion. And perhaps they're all valid opinions. But they are not you. And you have a unique signature that you must listen to. 

Ultimately at the end of the day this is easier said than done. Why? Because it's become so ingrained in us since we were little that people's opinions matter. But, that deters your performance. This isn't just about when you are. critiqued, but also about when you receive praise. Every time you give someone the power to build you up you also then give away your power. And every time you give someone the power to critique you and pull you down, you give away your power.


5. Fuel Your Soul With Your Calling. If you want to become extraordinary you also have to make your dream something that you live for. It doesn't mean giving up the job or not paying your bills. It means fueling your soul with your calling, so you become ready for the opportunities that will lead in their learning literally feel like magic. That's having an optimistic outlook. 


6. Be Happier, Be Smarter. There was an experiment done at Northwestern University that showed that you can improve your performance by priming yourself into a positive mood before completing important task. Yes, give yourself permission to watch funny clips on social media, before you go into competition and consequently boost performance. 

In a study, they conducted FMRI scans to watch how people's brains worked as they tried to solve problems. Obviously or not so obviously those who were positive showed an increase in activity in the region of the brain that is associated with decision making and emotional control. Those who were negative showed little to no activity in this brain region.

What does that mean? Under pressure, if you're happy or optimistic, you will make better decisions, perform better, and get results.     


7. Avoid Unhappy People. Here's a study for you. High-performance cyclists were shown happy or sad faces on a screen as they cycled at top speed. The faces were flashed for literally less than a second. They were flashed so quickly that they could only be recognized by the subconscious.  

Can you guess who performed better? Yep, the ones that received the happy faces.  Granted you can't control everything around you. But the lesson is--who you surround yourself with matters.

Next time you're around someone that's pulling you down, just make up an excuse and walk away. It can be as simple as saying you have to take a car or run to the restroom. By removing yourself you are protecting your brain. 


8. Focus On Strategy, Not Mistakes. 99.9% of the time people erroneously focus on fixing the mistake. And when you do that, you decrease your ability to perform. When you focus on what you want to avoid doing, in this case the mistake, you pay so much attention to it you reinforce it in your brain.  

So, if you take that philosophy and do the reverse and focus on what you do want, you create opportunities to achieve that outcome. It's quite simple really, always work to reach for what you want to accomplish. 


9. Your Brain On Optimism. Scientist have found the optimism literally changes your brain structure. I won't bore you with the structural changes. But, you need to know that optimism reduces stress by dropping the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that makes us happy, promotes motivation, innovation, and for all of us the courage to take risks. It also protects us against anxiety, depression, and getting physically sick.

Remember it's not about faking a smile all day and every day. It's about having a strong outlook that challenges in your life will always work out in your favor. Simple exercises like gratitude list can change your brain. 

Every day write down three or more events or things that bring you appreciation and gratitude. Make it a habit by keeping the list alive and you will feel and see changes.


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