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NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT? IS A FIXABLE PROBLEM

Not getting what you want? It’s probably one of the most frustrating things, leading to not just sleepless nights, but feelings of inadequacy. So, what do you do to ‘fix’ it?


Most people take the issue at personally and start trying to change who they are. Tinkering with new self-help “techniques” that certifiably argue that they will give you results if... you just drink “their cool-aid.”


But, in reality you’ve misdiagnosed and consequently their “cool-aid” becomes nothing but a botched treatment plan that will create additional frustration. What happens next, you give up. All because you are trying too hard and doing all the wrong things. At no fault of your own.


To get what you want it’s not about fixing or looking. It’s about creating a purpose towards “why” you do what you do. A love story between you and a dream.


Not getting what you want is none other than a sign that you’re focusing on everything other than your 'why.' The thing that makes your heart skip a beat. The thing that makes you feel amazing. Yes, the blue ribbon makes you feel amazing, but your 'why' is more than that. It’s bigger than the blue ribbon. A blue ribbon, well that’s just collateral that you get to enjoy along the journey.


Your 'why' is your life love story.

Why is that you want what you want in this one life that you have?


YOUR ‘WHY’ IS A DREAM THAT GETS YOU ON THE RIGHT FREQUENCY

At the core of it all, if you are not getting the results you want, it’s none other than that you are on the wrong frequency. And if you are on the wrong frequency, you just need to change frequencies like you would from one song to the next on your Playlist. It’s that simple. It’s not meant to be devastating and require this whole makeover. Although, sometimes a makeover is warranted, but only and only then when it doesn’t feel like an exhausting endeavor but a necessity.


But, I digress and need to clarify. Your 'why' is simply your biggest desire/dream. Simon Sinek wrote a whole book about your 'why.' I am not writing this, because I read it and it’s good, but because I’ve noticed people just don’t get why they need a 'why.' They go through life on automatic and then they wonder why they feel empty or are struggling with symptoms of anxiety, depression, and/or not getting the results they want with their horses or in the arena.


You might be that one person, that believes you feel a ‘why’ is a ridiculous story we tell ourselves to feel better or nothing more than a crooked letter from the alphabet (Y).

You are right. It is. It can be. If that’s what you want it to be.


TAKE A PAGE FROM AN ELITE ATHLETE’S PLAYBOOK

High performers whether they are elite athletes, entrepreneurs, and artists, ultimately are the ones we admire so much, because they overcome the unthinkable. And their “overnight success” stuns us into believing they had this magical “it” factor that helped them land their success without much effort. There is no “overnight success!” It does not exist. They’ve just been quietly working towards their ‘why' incognito. They persevered instead of giving up, more times than we will ever know, without the audience.


They own their ‘why’ like no one else does or can. Not to say, they don’t put effort into manifesting their ‘why,’ but the thought of their ‘why’ feels effortless. It is effortless, because it is their truth, their joy, their dream.


And that is why it’s incredible to be in their presence. The energy they receive from their ‘why,’ is felt by everyone because it is that insanely amazing and addicting. It gives them the “extra” we all crave. They manifest swoon worthy accomplishments, because of this dedication.


They are the authors of their dream life love stories.


We can have this too. All of us, there is no requirement other than figuring out what truly and deeply gets your heart going. Disconcertingly though, few people have a ‘why.’ At the crux of it all, when you don't know why your heart sings or your ‘why/y,’ it will be a struggle to achieve results you dream of.


Let’s be clear. You will achieve results. But, there is a significance difference in quality of results. And achieving those that truly give you that magical “it” feeling.


YOUR WHY DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ABOUT “WORLD PEACE”

But let’s make something super clear, your ‘why’ does not have to be this incredibly amazing swoon worthy ‘why’ to be worthy. World Peace or making a million dollars or winning the Olympics is great, but honestly what is even better is simply “having fun.” (Which everyone downplays the significance of.)


I am an advocate for non-fancy and clear. The clearer it is, the easier it is to manifest achievements. It can be as simple as..scratch that, I’m not going to give you examples.


Your ‘why’ comes from your heart, a feeling. It doesn’t come from your brain, the cerebral cortex. It’s a moment/thought/feeling that feels like electricity.


Like I said before, you absolutely can get results without having a definitive ‘why.’ We all do and have. You just won’t necessarily get the results after you’ve reached a certain point/level that requires elevated levels of skill. Also, having a solid ‘why’ will be the key difference between giving up or not giving up.


All you need to truly understand about your ‘why’ is that the more authentic it is- the better, and that even if you can’t voice it yet, who cares, as long as you are searching for that moment of electricity. This isn’t about putting pressure on yourself to come up with a ‘why,’ so that all your problems go away. It doesn’t work that way.


Your ‘why’ doesn’t take away the problem of not achieving the results you want, it just makes the problems less of a problem, so that there is room for you to elevate

into your potential.


WHY YOU’RE NOT GETTING RESULTS

So, now that we have a case for finding your ‘why,’ there is another key element to the issue of why you’re not getting the results you want. When you have a ‘why’ you have a purpose/goal/dream. Right? And the simpler it is, the clearer your goals are. And if something is clear it is easier to obtain, because the complication of it all is taken out of the equation, which focuses your energy. And when energy is directed, you don’t waste it.


And when you are focused, you know what you want and what you don’t want. So you start manifesting results, because you begin to pick and choose from life what does or does not serve your ‘why.’ And when that happens, beautiful and magical manifestations start landing in your lap. And that is because ultimately, you’ve written the results you so desire into your ‘why,’ into your story.


If the results aren’t written into your life story, then how do you

take steps to move in the direction of your results?


It’s not even about how, but also about why, why would you attempt to achieve those results/goals/dreams when they aren’t written into your story? And if they aren’t written into your story, you’re not dreaming about them. And if you are not dreaming about them, then you are not visualizing them. And if you are not visualizing them, then your brain is not firing those chemicals and changing its’ physical structure and function to support that dream.


WHY EVERYONE ELSE IS GIVING UP TOO SOON AND YOU'RE NOT

Where everyone trips up when pursuing their ‘why’, is not allowing for space for trial and errors. Instead, you fall back into expectations and need for evidence to assure you that your ‘why’ is happening and worthy. But what you don’t realize is that you can’t use the same material evidence or expectations that you use historically in your life. It is quite simple actually: stay curious. Stay open to opportunities via your curiosity. Curiosity is a powerhouse in assisting to manifest results, while expectations squash them.


Also, if you are still not convinced, let me tell you this: 99.9% of the time your expectations are a direct reflection of a ceiling that you (at this specific point in time) believe you can achieve. And because we underestimate ourselves, your ceiling is guaranteed to be set lower than your truest potential.


While curiosity, sets no ceiling and consequently allows you to achieve

more than you could ever imagine.


THE IRONY IN ‘Y’

Sometimes, life is ironic in how it reveals our ‘why’ to us. We get so complacent with the “daily’s” because our brain reacts automatically to them. And when we begin to exhibit a behavior as a “habit,” (there is an amazing book about this!) our brain turns off. It stops functioning all together. 50% of what you do in a day is a “habit.” That means your brain turns off for most of what you do. By turn off, it literally does not activate itself. And when it is on autopilot your habit is the power behind your ‘why,’ not you and consequently you're not living life from your ‘why’ that would be your dream life.


The question then becomes, are you willing to get comfortable with being uncomfortable to own the power of your ‘why?’


There is absolutely no judgment if you don’t, because it does require effort’ing. But, the effort’ing is really beautiful when YOU want to experience certain results.


Your brain is your secret power to creating the life you dream. And not just the life, but results.


And when we dream, when we visualize, our brains don’t know if it is happening in real time or not. It doesn’t know visualization from reality. When we dream and visualize, we fire the neurons/chemicals in our bodies and brains to create that ‘why.’ And if your body and brain is producing the chemicals related to that ‘why’, then you are going to start behaving as if that were the case.


You begin to manifest that 'why’ of yours, because unconsciously you’ve already started walking in that direction. The only reason a ‘why’ becomes a reality in your life, is when your heart is invested.

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Let's get real and talk about the coaching industry. I believe if you're not educated, how can you make an informed decision. The coaching industry including the psychology world has taken some interesting turns throughout its existence. Both worlds are overly saturated, with various degrees and specialties.

CELEBRITIES AND THEIR COACHES

Some would say that the coaching world has taken a terrible turn. I think with any world, it's just about being informed. Coaching has been an incredible tool that has helped some of the most amazing public figures including Oprah, Steve Jobs, Serena Williams, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Justin Bieber, Tom Cruise to the likes of LeBron James and Tom Brady excel into their success. That's quite a lineup. Included in this lineup are notable equestrians: Anne Kurinski, Mclain Ward, Jennifer Gates, and Adrienne Sternlicht.

COACHING THE SECRET NO ONE TALKS ABOUT

Coaching is the behind-the-scenes secret, that few talk about. I see athletes who don't want to share that they're being coached, and or amazing coaches who hesitate to share their work because of the suspicious looks.

Coaching is controversial, only because there is not much transparency around it. Also, like many other markets, you have individuals who proclaim results with a specific specialty (e.g. sports, business, entrepreneur), but have never been or achieved results as an athlete or entrepreneur. Consequently, providing empty promises such as giving you results of record wins or taking your business to 50K by next week. Additionally, the other controversy regarding coaching is that many coaches don't obtain either formal education or real-life experience. How do we establish a credibility framework? Or do we?

DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE

As a consumer, as with all things before you purchase, your due diligence is necessary to identify your needs and finding the coach that will confidently help you achieve your goals. Not all coaching is created equal. And not all self-proclaimed coaches know what they're doing. And it lands on you to find a suitable match. I say this, being a consumer myself. I have sat on both sides and still do.

MY COACHES

I have questioned even how I find my coaches/healers. Do I have a framework or do they just meet my “gut instinct” standards? Well, honestly it depends on the situation and what my needs are in that very moment. I will be honest and true, because I just argued that there is no transparency and there needs to be. I work currently with 4 different healers (that doesn’t count the ones I’ve worked with in the past), 2 business consultants/coaches in the past, and the numerous amounts of books, online trainings, and online courses I have taken. Not to mention the years I dedicated to my degrees. I think there is incredible value in working with experts who can help you navigate life. For each one I work with, I have chosen to work with them based on if their “expertise” matches my “needs” and “criteria.” Sometimes, I have wanted them to have a specific degree and other times a “specific” life experience.

QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO GET ANSWERS TO

Here are 8 questions I ask myself and would encourage you to consider before working with someone:

  1. First what am I struggling with and is this coach in this niche?

  2. Are they credible (Do your research!)?

  3. Does this person speak your language (Do you vibe with them)?

  4. Do they have something to offer you that makes you excited to work with them?

  5. Are you “available” to work with them? Do you have the time to fully immerse yourself to fully expand?

  6. Do they bring something “new” to my life and “expand” me to open myself to new ideas/experiences?

  7. Are your expectations and their expectations for your goals in alignment?

  8. And lastly, does your “gut” say “yes!?”

THE VALUE ON RETURN IS AMAZING These are questions for you to consider the next time you look for your coach. Everyone I have ever worked with has had credibility, whether that is in a form of a degree or having worked under mentors who have expanded their gifts. Ultimately, I don’t think you can “ever” lose working with someone. At the end of the day, I always believe we learn something new from each other and others. The human experience is incredibly valuable and choosing to work with someone is personal, no matter your reasons. Ultimately, even if the “coaching” world is crazy busy and you don’t always know who to work with, just breath. And then decide where your gut leads you. I have never regretted working with coaches and experts, because the growth has always been exponentially invaluable. Maybe not always in the moment, but it always pays for itself amazingly and the value returned is beyond that I could ever imagine.

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MY LIFE IS A NETFLIX SPECIAL This one is personal. I have not been present on social for a reason, because I have been healing. The unthinkable happened to me last week and it felt like the carpet was pulled from underneath me, it’s not even Netflix Special and more like an HBO MAX/Lifetime Special. Details can’t be revealed at the moment, but you may know that no one was physically hurt, however there are many dreams broken, wounded hearts, and questions unanswered. We were all left shocked and scared. And me, heartbroken. In seconds, dreams were gone and they weren’t just my dreams. That’s been the hardest part, to reconcile that what I believed yesterday would be my life today, is no longer. Mourning the dreams, mourning the losses has had me cry my eyes shut, screamed in agony/in disbelief, and left me asking “why.” The shock has been the hardest. It runs deep and is slowly resolving so I can see with greater clarity. It was a tragedy. An aggressive act that was directed towards me. A tragedy that I believe could have been prevented.

A tragedy that leaves me with a lesson: Your mental health should be your greatest priority. I beg you, listen to me. Take my words seriously. Take them to heart. THE BIOLOGY OF THE TRAUMA BRAIN A loss is uncomfortable, even life changing (which is what I am going through in this moment), but I must remind myself that with every door closing another opens. The next door for me hasn’t opened yet, but I understand that at this moment it’s a time for healing not for activation. Activation will come in due time. Every day I work to move forward from the impact of this trauma into creating my new future. Moving forward is hard for us humans, because we have to fight the conditioning of our biology: the stress response of fight, flight, or freeze and the cortisol in our brains. Our biology, the way we were made keeps us reliving our past by our thoughts alone. Do you understand that? Let me rephrase, the way you feel and live is a direct reflection of the way you think. And when we are so deep in pain, biology supersedes temporarily until slowly the biological response of fight, flight, or freeze deactivates. Because this biological response (survival mode) is strong, to move out of this response requires significant amounts of energy and awareness. When we are in survival mode, our brains are unable to be creative, to see opportunity, to expand, and to open our hearts. It's not until we hit the “bottom,” that expansion is able to activate and propel us into moving forward. This is the very moment we get out of our way and move forward into creating our future. Why that moment? Because it's in that very moment we feel so incredibly altered, and that feeling “altered” creates the opportunity for us to start exploring ourselves and look inward. At that moment, you agree to no longer agree to stay in the trauma experience. ONLY A MEMORY CAN KEEP THE TRAUMA ALIVE What keeps the trauma alive, is our memory. Nothing else. The memory reignites the experience because the thought alone tells your brain to dump the chemicals that are associated and support that thought. It’s hard to conceive this when you are going through it. Trust me. I just literally went through this. And when I was in shock, shook, and crying my eyes out It was very hard to de-activate that experience by thought alone. And that is because my biology took over and needed to release my bodies' trauma response. I hope this is making sense. It’s a fine balance. You must let your body do what it needs to do to survive and honor that you are quite more powerful than you ever could imagine in determining your destiny and experience of it. Trauma experiences in life are inevitable. I never wish them upon anyone. But there are ways to manage them and activate recovery. Honestly, I wish I had known this earlier in life because it would have saved me a lot of suffering and time. YOUR BRAIN IS A SUPERPOWER Your health, especially your brain’s health, is EVERYTHING. Absolutely, everything. Your life is a reflection of your brain, the way you think. And the way you think is what leads to opportunities or problems. And the way you think is what leads to loving relationships or breakups. And the way you think leads to how you cope with stress successfully or unsuccessfully. And the way you think leads to dreams coming true and a beautiful life. Your brain should be prioritized. Even and especially when things are going well. It is when things are going well that habits can be created and formed. Powerful habits that elevate you beyond merely living in survival mode and serve as the foundation when you are in a trauma inducing life moment. I learned this lesson several years ago, during another traumatic event. A divorce. And from then on, I have prioritized my mental health, working with healers consistently. I attribute my strength to them, because there have been days when I didn’t think I’d make it. Yes, me too. I have had those days too, we are all human. And being human means building your tribe of people who have your back. HOW TO CONTROL YOUR BRAIN AND NOT LET YOUR TRAUMA CONTROL YOU So here, you go: the tools I use to get healed and the tools I share with my clients. If my story isn’t enough to convince you, then see for yourself. It’s life experiences that teach. You won’t know what works for you until you try them. 5 KEY STEPS TO TAKING YOUR BRAIN POWER BACK 1. Just because you have a thought does not mean that thought is true

This idea alone reminds is so powerful. Not all thoughts are true. And when you remind yourself of that, you take the power back. People tend to let their thoughts control them, instead of learning how to control their thoughts. But, when you let your thoughts control you, you give your power away. You give your power away to an idea that doesn’t serve your highest good. When I remind myself of this, I feel empowered and can breath and ride the wave of that thought before I take any action. This especially helps when you are unsure or in doubt about what to do next. And then when you do act on a thought, you feel confident that it is the right thing to do.

2. It will take a lot of your strength to heal. Let me say it in another way too, just to ensure you hear it. It will take a ton of your energy to heal. It’s exhausting to heal. And that is why you need to sleep more and be kinder to yourself. We only have limited energy and willpower. And when you are in crisis, you are using excess energy. Thus, it is extremely important to conserve, so you are able to utilize the energy you have available to heal and find your strength.

3. It’s effort’ing to create a story that is of empowerment, because the story you tell yourself becomes your reality, becomes your life. Not cliched. It is true. Effort'ing means connecting with your tribe of healers who can support you and help you activate a new story, a reality that allows for your expansion. I will be the first to share that during this traumatic event, I have worked with my healer continuously and several others in addition to. Each one an expert in what they do. Each one helping me find my power. Each one helping me overcome this with greater ease and efficiency.

4. The intention behind the thought is more important than the thought itself. Because the intention is what activates energy necessary to propel you forward. Remember energy/intention is more powerful than words. You can tell yourself one thing and mean another. And it is the “another” that will hold more weight than the words themselves. In your intention you will also find your revival, your why, your desire to dance because you've survived.

5. Most importantly when your intention is born with conviction, that conviction is what will ultimately override the biology of the trauma. And when your biology starts changing, the brain starts producing new chemical reactions. And because there’s a new chemical reaction there’s the potential for a new experience. Conviction is powerful energy. My conviction came from my desire to take back my power, because I am not ok with this person taking what was not theirs. And sometimes you have to dig deep to access your conviction. When my HBOMax has a happy ending, I’ll share the story. I know it will have an ending, a good one. A truthful one.

If you have questions, you can also send me a DM or email. Don’t wait until something traumatic happens, when you are deep in pain to start changing your brain. Why wait then to change your life? Change it now. In this very moment.

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