MY LIFE IS A NETFLIX SPECIAL This one is personal. I have not been present on social for a reason, because I have been healing. The unthinkable happened to me last week and it felt like the carpet was pulled from underneath me, it’s not even Netflix Special and more like an HBO MAX/Lifetime Special. Details can’t be revealed at the moment, but you may know that no one was physically hurt, however there are many dreams broken, wounded hearts, and questions unanswered. We were all left shocked and scared. And me, heartbroken. In seconds, dreams were gone and they weren’t just my dreams. That’s been the hardest part, to reconcile that what I believed yesterday would be my life today, is no longer. Mourning the dreams, mourning the losses has had me cry my eyes shut, screamed in agony/in disbelief, and left me asking “why.” The shock has been the hardest. It runs deep and is slowly resolving so I can see with greater clarity. It was a tragedy. An aggressive act that was directed towards me. A tragedy that I believe could have been prevented.
A tragedy that leaves me with a lesson: Your mental health should be your greatest priority. I beg you, listen to me. Take my words seriously. Take them to heart. THE BIOLOGY OF THE TRAUMA BRAIN A loss is uncomfortable, even life changing (which is what I am going through in this moment), but I must remind myself that with every door closing another opens. The next door for me hasn’t opened yet, but I understand that at this moment it’s a time for healing not for activation. Activation will come in due time. Every day I work to move forward from the impact of this trauma into creating my new future. Moving forward is hard for us humans, because we have to fight the conditioning of our biology: the stress response of fight, flight, or freeze and the cortisol in our brains. Our biology, the way we were made keeps us reliving our past by our thoughts alone. Do you understand that? Let me rephrase, the way you feel and live is a direct reflection of the way you think. And when we are so deep in pain, biology supersedes temporarily until slowly the biological response of fight, flight, or freeze deactivates. Because this biological response (survival mode) is strong, to move out of this response requires significant amounts of energy and awareness. When we are in survival mode, our brains are unable to be creative, to see opportunity, to expand, and to open our hearts. It's not until we hit the “bottom,” that expansion is able to activate and propel us into moving forward. This is the very moment we get out of our way and move forward into creating our future. Why that moment? Because it's in that very moment we feel so incredibly altered, and that feeling “altered” creates the opportunity for us to start exploring ourselves and look inward. At that moment, you agree to no longer agree to stay in the trauma experience. ONLY A MEMORY CAN KEEP THE TRAUMA ALIVE What keeps the trauma alive, is our memory. Nothing else. The memory reignites the experience because the thought alone tells your brain to dump the chemicals that are associated and support that thought. It’s hard to conceive this when you are going through it. Trust me. I just literally went through this. And when I was in shock, shook, and crying my eyes out It was very hard to de-activate that experience by thought alone. And that is because my biology took over and needed to release my bodies' trauma response. I hope this is making sense. It’s a fine balance. You must let your body do what it needs to do to survive and honor that you are quite more powerful than you ever could imagine in determining your destiny and experience of it. Trauma experiences in life are inevitable. I never wish them upon anyone. But there are ways to manage them and activate recovery. Honestly, I wish I had known this earlier in life because it would have saved me a lot of suffering and time. YOUR BRAIN IS A SUPERPOWER Your health, especially your brain’s health, is EVERYTHING. Absolutely, everything. Your life is a reflection of your brain, the way you think. And the way you think is what leads to opportunities or problems. And the way you think is what leads to loving relationships or breakups. And the way you think leads to how you cope with stress successfully or unsuccessfully. And the way you think leads to dreams coming true and a beautiful life. Your brain should be prioritized. Even and especially when things are going well. It is when things are going well that habits can be created and formed. Powerful habits that elevate you beyond merely living in survival mode and serve as the foundation when you are in a trauma inducing life moment. I learned this lesson several years ago, during another traumatic event. A divorce. And from then on, I have prioritized my mental health, working with healers consistently. I attribute my strength to them, because there have been days when I didn’t think I’d make it. Yes, me too. I have had those days too, we are all human. And being human means building your tribe of people who have your back. HOW TO CONTROL YOUR BRAIN AND NOT LET YOUR TRAUMA CONTROL YOU So here, you go: the tools I use to get healed and the tools I share with my clients. If my story isn’t enough to convince you, then see for yourself. It’s life experiences that teach. You won’t know what works for you until you try them. 5 KEY STEPS TO TAKING YOUR BRAIN POWER BACK 1. Just because you have a thought does not mean that thought is true
This idea alone reminds is so powerful. Not all thoughts are true. And when you remind yourself of that, you take the power back. People tend to let their thoughts control them, instead of learning how to control their thoughts. But, when you let your thoughts control you, you give your power away. You give your power away to an idea that doesn’t serve your highest good. When I remind myself of this, I feel empowered and can breath and ride the wave of that thought before I take any action. This especially helps when you are unsure or in doubt about what to do next. And then when you do act on a thought, you feel confident that it is the right thing to do.
2. It will take a lot of your strength to heal. Let me say it in another way too, just to ensure you hear it. It will take a ton of your energy to heal. It’s exhausting to heal. And that is why you need to sleep more and be kinder to yourself. We only have limited energy and willpower. And when you are in crisis, you are using excess energy. Thus, it is extremely important to conserve, so you are able to utilize the energy you have available to heal and find your strength.
3. It’s effort’ing to create a story that is of empowerment, because the story you tell yourself becomes your reality, becomes your life. Not cliched. It is true. Effort'ing means connecting with your tribe of healers who can support you and help you activate a new story, a reality that allows for your expansion. I will be the first to share that during this traumatic event, I have worked with my healer continuously and several others in addition to. Each one an expert in what they do. Each one helping me find my power. Each one helping me overcome this with greater ease and efficiency.
4. The intention behind the thought is more important than the thought itself. Because the intention is what activates energy necessary to propel you forward. Remember energy/intention is more powerful than words. You can tell yourself one thing and mean another. And it is the “another” that will hold more weight than the words themselves. In your intention you will also find your revival, your why, your desire to dance because you've survived.
5. Most importantly when your intention is born with conviction, that conviction is what will ultimately override the biology of the trauma. And when your biology starts changing, the brain starts producing new chemical reactions. And because there’s a new chemical reaction there’s the potential for a new experience. Conviction is powerful energy. My conviction came from my desire to take back my power, because I am not ok with this person taking what was not theirs. And sometimes you have to dig deep to access your conviction. When my HBOMax has a happy ending, I’ll share the story. I know it will have an ending, a good one. A truthful one.
If you have questions, you can also send me a DM or email. Don’t wait until something traumatic happens, when you are deep in pain to start changing your brain. Why wait then to change your life? Change it now. In this very moment.